


fast car (had a feeling that i belonged)

by marsisaplanet



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Reddie, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 21:35:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20918993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsisaplanet/pseuds/marsisaplanet
Summary: Eddie wants to get out of Derry, so does Richie. Together, they make their escape. (a songfic based off of Fast Car by Tracy Chapman)TW for mentions of physical abuse, alcoholism, the f-slur, and mild homophobia!





	fast car (had a feeling that i belonged)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tinyarmedtrex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyarmedtrex/gifts).

Eddie sat in the passenger seat of Richie’s car. His head was leaned against the window, his gaze drifting off over the hill they were parked on as music from one of Richie’s iconic mix tapes played through the radio. While Derry didn’t have much of a sky line, it was kind of beautiful staring down at the shitty town he had lived in his whole life. The lights from the Aladdin made it look like a neon beacon in the center of downtown. That’s how Eddie kind of felt about Derry.

Derry was dark. It was drab and dilapidated and disgusting. But Eddie’s friends were like the Aladdin, a beacon in the center, the only thing that made him want to stay. Like a moth drawn to a flame they stuck together, but Eddie knew it wouldn’t last forever. 

It was senior year. The daunting reminder of graduation constantly loomed over them. From writing application essays to finding references, each loser was busier than ever. Eddie knew he was bound to stay stuck in Derry and never leave, but he couldn’t help but hope. 

He hoped that he could leave his mother, whose cruel fist had been wrapped around his throat for as long as he could remember. He hoped that he could go to college, where he could get an education in psychology and help others who had been through similar, if not the same situation. He hoped that he could leave with someone, a boy he knew. The boy he loved. 

While Eddie gazed, his face blank despite a slight wetness to his eyes, Richie pretended to stare at his phone. But, if Richie was honest with himself, which he typically never was, he was staring at something else.

Richie stared at the swoop of one Eddie’s curls, resting just above his eyebrow. He stared at the way Eddie gently brushed it away, not moving his head, still looking wistfully out of the passenger window. He stared at the freckles dusting Eddie’s nose, each one of them a tiny speck he wanted to press his lips to. He stared at the way Eddie’s hand pressed against his cheek and he had never related to Romeo as much he had in that moment. 

Eddie finally turned away from the window his eyes moist. Richie hastily returned his gaze to his lap before putting his phone down.

“I want to get out of here,” Eddie whispered as he stared down at his palms.

“You mean you want me to drive somewhere else o-”

“No,” Eddie shook his head, almost jerkily. “I want to get out of Derry. I  _ need _ to get out of Derry.”

“I don’t blame you Eds,” Richie said, turning the volume down on the radio so he could listen to Eddie properly.

“I can’t handle it here,” Eddie said, Richie’s hand froze on the radio dial as he heard Eddie’s voice quiver. “I can’t take it anymore. . .”

“Hey,” Richie said, his voice sweet as honey as he moved his hand from the radio dial to rest on Eddie’s thigh. “Is everything okay?”

Tears started falling down Eddie’s face in earnest now. Richie wanted to hug him desperately, but he knew to let Eddie come to him. 

“It’s suffocating,” Eddie spat out, the circles under his eyes prickling with tears as they turned red. “She wants me to go to Derry community college and I know everyone is going to get out.” Eddie’s chest heaved, his curls falling over his forehead again. “I know that everyone is going to make it. . . but not me.”

“Eddie,” Richie whispered, he hated seeing Eddie cry like this. “You’re incredibly smart, you’re bound to get into a good college. And you’re stronger than anyone I know, if anyone can escape your mom it’s you”

Eddie just shook his head, he hadn’t looked at Richie once during their entire conversation. 

“Mike’s grandparents sold the farm and he’s moving to Florida. Stan’s going to Georgia and Ben and Bev will be in Chicago. Bill’s probably going to NYU and you-” Eddie let out a strangled sob at the thought of Richie leaving. “You’ll be on the other side of the country.”

Richie bit his lip before staring out of his own window. The thought of moving to California was paradise, but Richie had always pictured Eddie being there with him. He hadn’t had the chance to mention it to him before, but now seemed like an opportunity. But was it worth it to try in the mental state that Eddie was currently in?

“What if. . .” Richie breathed out as he turned to look back at Eddie. “What if you came with me?” Eddie’s head whipped instantly up from his lap, his eyes staring right back at Richie.

“Don’t joke Richie,” Eddie said, trying to shoot a glare but it came off as more of a weak plea. “I know better than to dream that big, I mean even escaping to Bangor would be a reach and. . .” Eddie shook his head before leaning back up against the window. 

“I’ll apply for you,” Richie began. “And you have your college savings account from your dad and I can get a job and we can figure it out Eds!” He continued to ramble before Eddie finally interrupted him by placing a hand on Richie’s shoulder.

It was the first time Eddie had touched him since the start of their drive. 

Eddie looked up at Richie through wet eyelashes. His cheeks were red, not from blushing, but from crying. Eddie was filled up with so much emotion. Richie should have expected this. He was his little firecracker, angry and spunky and constantly going off on rants. But he could explode, sometimes in a cute way and sometimes in a way that would make Richie’s heart break.

“ ‘Chee,” Eddie croaked. 

“Eds,” Richie whispered, his voice breaking ever so slightly.

“Promise me,” Eddie interlocked his fingers with Richie’s before squeezing his hand tight. “Together we can get somewhere. That together, we’ll get out of here.”

Richie took in a sharp breath at the use of that word. Together. Him and Eddie against the world like it was meant to be.

“Promise me,” Eddie begged, resting his forehead against Richie’s. “Maybe together we can get somewhere. Anyplace is better.” 

Richie was crying now, their tears mixing together, Eddie still desperately clinging onto Richie’s hand.

“Anyplace is better with you” Eddie sniffled before he collapsed into the crook of Richie’s neck, his chest shaking.

“I promise,” Richie said into Eddie’s hair. “I promise.”

*

The monotonous beep of a scanner at a check out station haunted Richie’s dreams. Literally. He heard it all the time. He would be in his Statistics class, casually creating a probability chart when suddenly he would hear the noise in his head. Honestly, sometimes he wonders why he got a fucking job at Derry’s local convenience store. But then he remembers Eddie.

He remembers that crisp September night and the feeling of Eddie’s tears wetting his shirt and his neck. He remembers the way Eddie laid his head in Richie’s lap and how he asked him to play with his hair. He remembers Lovesong by the Cure drifting through his shitty station wagon and the smell of lavender and Carmex lip balm and potpourri and strawberries and everything that was so Eddie.

And with that thought of Eddie he continues scanning the cart full of two-liter bottles of Dr. Pepper a boy pushed to his check out counter. He would make enough money so they could drive to California. He would do it. He had to.

*

Richie glanced down at his feet. He really didn’t think this through, which isn’t saying much since he doesn’t really think about his plans. He gently tossed a couple of pebbles at Eddie’s window. It was a cliche move, but he didn’t really know how else he was going to get Eddie’s attention. 

“What the fuck Richard,” Eddie said in a stage whisper as he slammed his window open. Richie was already half way up Eddie’s roof.

“Let me in,” Richie said, panting as he awkwardly crawled across rough black shingles. “Seriously I just climbed all the way up here.” 

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Eddie asked incredulously as he tugged Richie through his window. Richie face planted onto Eddie’s carpet before he let out a soft groan. Eddie sighed as he pulled Richie back up.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked, straightening Richie’s flannel and putting Richie’s glasses back on his nose. 

“Just wanted to see my Eds,” Richie said peppily before he fell backwards onto Eddie’s bed with a plop. Eddie slowly laid down next to him as they both stared up at the ceiling.

“Bullshit,” Eddie finally said, as he rolled onto his side to look at Richie. 

“What?’ Richie said softly, almost to himself.

“I said bu-”

“I know what you said,” Richie replied, now turning himself so he could see Eddie completely. “What’s up with that phrase any way. Bullshit. Why not horse shit or platypus shit or fucking like cat shit, why bull sh-”

“Richie,” Eddie interrupted, he stopped talking. “Why did you come here?” 

Richie sighed. He didn’t want to talk. Well, not about this. He wasn’t good at talking about feelings. He was good at listening to everyone talk about theirs, which was in a way surprising considering how much of a motor mouth he had. Richie was the one that made everyone happy, he wasn’t allowed to have problems. He couldn’t burden everyone else with them, especially not Eddie. He finally decided on an answer, a bullshit one, but an answer nonetheless. 

“I just wanted to be with someone,” Richie said, turning himself onto his back yet again. “Didn’t want to be at home.” 

“And you picked me?” Eddie whispered, scooching closer so that way he was pressed up against Richie. 

“Well yeah,” Richie said. “Who else would I go see?”

“I dunno,” Eddie said, wrapping his legs around Richie by putting one over and one under him. “Stan? Bill? Fuck, probably Bev?”

“Stan wouldn’t let me up in his room at this late,” Richie said, still maintaining his gaze with the ceiling as he tried to ignore how hot Eddie’s cheek felt against his collarbone. “Bill wouldn’t understand and Beverly has enough of her own stuff to deal with.”

“Well,” Eddie said as he gingerly held one of Richie’s hands. “Why me?”

“Because I love my little Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie said as he turned onto his stomach causing himself to become even more tangled in Eddie’s grasp. His glasses pushed into his nose, leaving little dents on the side of his face that he knew would irritate him. Eddie pulled them off and set them on his bedside table.

“Richie,” Eddie murmured, his voice wasn’t a warning exactly. It was the same sort of tone Eddie used whenever he saw a nervous cat on the street. The same cat they would spot every time they walked down Central to get to the Quarry, with one blue eye and one orange. The cat always warmed up to Eddie when he heard his voice, trotting up and rubbing against Eddie’s right leg. That cat was wrapped around Eddie’s finger.

So was Richie.

“I’m fine Eddie,” Richie said, his voice muffled. Eddie tugged at the hair towards the back of Richie’s neck causing him to yelp. That’s when Eddie caught a glimpse of purple creeping up from the collar of Richie’s shirt.

Richie always wore shitty black graphic tees or button-ups he found at the Value Village on 4th Avenue. The collars of these shirts were always up around his collarbone, low enough that you could see his neck, but high enough that it would be able to hide hickeys, or in his case, abuse.

Eddie’s eyes widened as he pulled up at Richie’s shirt, not taking it off, but lifting it enough to see the damage he couldn’t believe he had never noticed. 

Purples, yellows, and pinks were splotched across Richie’s back like flowers in bloom. Eddie gently touched Richie’s right side, signaling for him to roll onto his back so that Eddie could look at his ribs. The situation was the same, aubergine and indigo were painted across parts of Richie’s skin. 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Eddie asked, his fingers gingerly running over the bruises and gashes. 

“It isn’t something you should have to worry about Eds,” Richie shook his head before trying to roll back over onto his stomach, but Eddie’s touch stopped him. 

“Richie,” Eddie said as he placed a smooth hand against Richie’s cheek. “What happened?” Richie sighed as he stared down at the slightly blurry boy right next to him.

“They were fighting,” Richie said. “That’s it. That’s all.”

“Well some of these look older,” Eddie replied, still gingerly drawing figure eights with one of his hands on Richie’s skin. “And I know it hasn’t always been like this.”

Richie was silent.

“It hasn’t always been like this,” Eddie said firmly, but Richie could hear the doubt in his voice. “Right?” 

Richie was looking everywhere but at Eddie.

“Right Rich?”

Eddie didn’t need any signal from Richie, verbal or otherwise to know that he was wrong. Richie was always a loud mouth, so how did he hide this for so long?  _ Why _ did he hide this for so long?

“Richie,” Eddie said softly, almost pleading as he moved Richie’s head so the other boy had to look at him. He let out a breath at the watery sight of Eddie’s coffee brown eyes. Their noses were merely inches apart. This was by no means the closest he had physically been to Eddie, but he had never been in a situation with him that was this raw and intimate before. 

“She drinks,” Richie whispered in a voice so soft that if Eddie wasn’t sitting right next to him, he wouldn’t have heard him speak. “A lot. So does he.”

Richie’s eyes darted around Eddie’s room, looking for something else to stare at. He couldn’t look at Eddie when he was like this, he couldn’t be this vulnerable about his own issues. 

“Was it bad tonight?” Eddie asked, his voice only slightly shaky.

“Y-yeah,” Richie replied, mentally cursing himself for stuttering. He sounded like Bill. “She’s gonna leave Eds. She’s gonna leave me with. . . him.” Richie spat out the last word like it was cough medicine.

Eddie took in a breath that was so long that Richie was worried he would never breathe out. Richie placed his right hand on the back of Eddie’s head, his fingers running through it before pulling him tightly, yet gently, against his chest. 

“I’m fine Ed-”

“You’re staying here all night,” Eddie spoke into Richie’s chest. Richie could feel his breath through the thin cotton material, goosebumps slowly erupting. 

“Eddi-”

“I’m never letting you go ‘Chee,” Eddie whispered, he could feel his shirt turn slightly damp. “And you can stay here whenever you need. I can’t believe I never knew what kind of friend am I what-”

“Eddie,” Richie said, pushing Eddie away from his chest so he could talk to him properly. “I just didn’t want anyone to know.” It was Richie’s turn to cup Eddie’s cheek. He ignored the tears that pricked up at the corners of his eyes as his thumb ran over Eddie’s cheekbone. “I don’t want anyone to worry.”

“It’s my job to worry about you ‘Chee,” Eddie said as he turned away from Richie’s embrace. “You’re my friend. My best friend.” 

Richie’s chest tightened at Eddie’s words. God, how he wished he was more than just Eddie’s friend. More than just the boy Eddie platonically held hands with. More than just the boy Eddie would bicker with. More than just the boy Eddie would cackle hysterically at and take long drives with and talk about the future with and escape from this shithole with. 

Eddie scooted down the mattress, tugging up at Richie’s shirt, telling him to take it off completely. Richie complied, albeit hesitantly, before Eddie quickly pressed a kiss against one of the bruises on Richie’s ribs. 

He could feel his heart catch into his throat. The way it burned as it sat there while Eddie stared up at him, eyes wide as if he couldn’t believe what he had just done. To be fair, Richie couldn’t believe it either, he had a feeling his eyes were as wide as Eddie’s.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie managed to say as he backed away from Richie, but the other boy grabbed his arm before pulling him against his chest again. 

Richie pressed a kiss onto Eddie’s forehead before resting his chin against the top of Eddie’s head. 

“Don’t be,” Richie replied, his chest shook as he let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in.

Eddie stared up at Richie. His eyes were even more vibrant without his glasses on. The blues shimmered like the sun reflecting off of the sea. Pale aquamarines and ceruleans mixing together like the first dab of watercolor on a piece of paper. His fingers strategically interlaced with Richie’s, his mouth opening slightly before closing it once more.

Richie was the one that leaned in first. His nose brushed against Eddie’s as he pressed his lips onto the other boy’s. They were both half asleep as they kissed, Richie’s lips chapped while Eddie’s were perfectly smooth. Eddie sighed against Richie’s lips before he pulled away.

“You make me feel like I belong Eds,” Richie whispered, his eyes almost glowing under the pale moonlight. “And I promise, I’ll never let you go.”

*

There were nights when the two of them didn’t have to say anything. One of them would be on the other’s roof, knocking their knuckles rapidly against plexi-glass and they would suddenly be in Richie’s car, driving so fast that their hair flew behind them despite the windows being rolled up.

Richie would always be the one behind the wheel, cruising throughout the city, sometimes driving all the way to Portland and back. They would talk and listen to music and kiss. Kissing was their favorite. 

But there were nights when they would sit on top of that hill, looking down at Derry below them. The Aladdin would still glow like a beacon in the middle and Eddie was always reminded of the ticking clock on his childhood.

It was a good feeling, but a bittersweet one at that. Soon enough, he would be out of Derry and away from his mother, but he would have to take on responsibilities. That was fine. He had Richie. That’s all he truly needed. 

Richie was his reassurance. One look at the boy who was driving next to him, the boy who always had an arm wrapped around Eddie’s shoulder and he knew that this was where he belonged.

Eddie belonged wherever Richie was. And Richie belonged wherever Eddie went. Together they would drive so fast they could fly away.

*

It was the last straw. The last fucking straw. Eddie had been slowly packing his belongings over the past few weeks and putting them into Richie’s shitty station wagon (which he had cleaned so there was more room, thank God). But then his mother had pulled this shit and he had finally fucking snapped.

Eddie had graduated. It was August. He had legally been an adult for seven months by this point and now, his mother had the audacity to inform Eddie that she had found Eddie the woman he was going to marry. He had to get the fuck out of that house, and fast.

He had gotten home from a night over at Mike’s to discover his mother at the dinner table (something that was very strange since she almost exclusively ate in her recliner in the living room) with a girl that he used to go to Sunday school with. Eddie instantly bolted upstairs, finished the rest of his packing and then casually strolled down the stairs as if nothing had happened.

Myra was so much like his mother it frightened him. Eddie hadn’t noticed how similar the two were until he saw them interact with each other. He supposed that was why she liked her so much. After all, only she understood how to take care of her little Eddiebear. 

One bland rotisserie chicken dinner later and Eddie was sneaking out of his window and sprinting over to Richie’s house.

“We need to go,” Eddie said when Richie opened the door.

“Good to see you too,” Richie said, with a lazy smirk. “Where we headed?”

“No, I mean,” Eddie stopped, trying to catch his breath. “We need to leave. Like, now.” Richie froze, lazy smirk now replaced with wide dinner plate sized eyes and a gaping goldfish mouth.

“You mean leave, leave?” Richie asked, still bewildered. 

“Richie,” Eddie sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “Today we said goodbye to all of the losers. Bill literally just left. Everyone is going their separate ways, we’re both California bound in a week.”

Eddie had been accepted into UCLA on a full ride track scholarship. Unbeknownst to his mother, he had transferred most of the money in his college fund to a new college fund in Richie’s name. The rest of the money would be used as an after college fund for the two of them. 

“Do you have all your shit packed?” Richie asked, pacing across his front porch, the wood creaking beneath the two boys.

“Just one last suitcase that I need to put in the car. That’s it,” Eddie looked up from the floorboards sharply. “Do you have the rest of your shit packed? I know I helped you with most of it but did you f-”

“Yeah I finished,” Richie said, finally stopping his pacing so he could look at Eddie. “I can’t fucking believe we’re doing this.”

“Okay,” Eddie said, his breathing picking up speed. “I’m going to go grab my other suitcase, meet me at my house in ten minutes.” Richie nodded before pulling Eddie in for a kiss.

“Holy fuck,” Richie whispered giddily as Eddie began to sprint back towards his house. “We’re really fucking doing this.”

It wasn’t a long distance between Richie’s house and Eddie’s. It was only a couple of blocks, but climbing back through his window was a bitch, especially when he was in a hurry.

Eddie threw together the rest of his belongings, from his everyday toiletries to mixtapes Richie had made him. To say he was stressed out was putting it mildly. Eddie’s mother could possibly hear him, but even if he did end up getting caught, Eddie was going to make sure the two of them were getting the fuck outta dodge. 

He hitched a backpack over his shoulder and rolled the suitcase quietly across his bedroom floor before creaking his door open slightly. His feet padded down the stairs almost silently, but his mother was at the foot of them.

“Eddiebear?” Sonia asked. “Just where do you think you’re going?” Eddie tried to unfreeze himself, to make himself speak. But when he did, he sounded just like the way he did when he was in middle school.

“I’m just headed out for a bit Momma,” Eddie squeaked.

“Then why do you have a suitcase?” Sonia asked, her ham-like legs thundering her forward as Eddie tried to scoot closer to the front door. 

“I was going to sleepover at Mike’s, Bill is leaving in the morning.” Eddie was desperately trying to come up with more lies that would keep his mom out of his business.

“Weren’t you just with those delinquents earlier?” she asked, hands planted firmly on her hips as Eddie tried to find a way to subtly open the front door. “You’re never home anymore Eddiebear.” Sonia let out a high pitched gasp that sounded faker than the medication Eddie took. “Do you not love me?”

Eddie breathed in deeply as he unlocked the front door and stepped outside slowly. 

“You know what Ma?” Eddie turned to face the woman who had ‘protected’ him his whole life. “I don’t.” And with that, Sonia was screeching as Eddie ran off of his front porch.

“Eddie!” Sonia wailed and then she saw Richie’s car. “What are you doing with that faggot! He’s made you sick Eddie, positively sick! I bet you have AIDs what is wrong with you! I can make you clean,” she begged as Eddie ran. “I can protect you, I’m your mother!”

“I’m not dirty Ma,” Eddie yelled as he thrust his bags into the trunk of Richie’s car, slamming it closed so hard that the car itself rattled. “You’re the one that’s fucking sick.”

Steam poured out of Eddie’s ears as he climbed into the passenger seat, opening and slamming the door so hard that the car once again, shook.

“Fucking start the car or we’re going to die at the hands of my mother,” Eddie said as Richie glared through the windshield.

“Can I run her over?” Richie asked as he turned the key into ignition. “I really want to fucking run her over, I mean I know I plow her ass hard every single fucking day b-”

“Just fucking drive Richie!” Eddie yelled. And with that, Richie backed into reverse and drove them out of the neighborhood the two boys had lived in their whole lives.

Neither of them truly understood they had left Derry until they were on the highway. Eddie had calmed down by then. His face was no longer the same color as the tiny red track shorts he had worn all the time when he was twelve. 

He heard Richie let out a laugh, his hands no longer gripping the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles were white. One laugh turned into two, which turned into an endless amount of chuckles erupting out of Richie’s mouth.

“What’s so funny?” Eddie asked, his head up against the window the same way it had been that one September night so long ago.

“We did it,” Richie whispered. The smile he was wearing was so bright, Eddie thought he was going blind. “We really fucking did it.”

“That’s what happens when you make promises,” Eddie said, a small smile resting on his lips. “They happen.”

And as the two of them drove along the interstate at night, they both knew that they belonged together. That the two of them, were each other’s someones. 

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I love Amelia (@tinyarmedtrex) and she said she wanted a Fast Car songfic and I was like yo! That's an amazing idea that I'm gonna take and use as an excuse to procrastinate all the shit I have to get done!!!!!!!!! But seriously, Amelia is amazing. Check out her work. Her AO3 username is the same as he Tumblr 💕
> 
> Tumblr: @marsisaplanetyall


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